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Ill at Ease in the House of God
I'm Catholic, more or less. If you asked me what religion I identified with, that's how I would respond. But if you asked me about my views on abortion, homosexuality and pre-marital sex, you would quickly begin to wonder if I was at all familiar with the basic tenets of Catholicism and how I had ever managed to sit through an entire sermon without grimacing continuously. I do go to church regularly, particularly when I am visiting my family. My grandmother, whom I adore, is devoutly religious and it gives her much joy if I am seated next to her in the front pew. The priest adores my grandmother as well, and when I accompany her to mass he showers me with blessings, although I know he wonders why I skip communion and keep my hymnal book stowed securely beneath my seat. Nevertheless, as I clasp her withered hand during the Lord's Prayer, I am grateful to be there with her, even if my primary intention is that she not be alone. The god I believe in is not a Catholic god. I often wonder if I am a hypocrite for attending services that I find overwhelmingly meaningless. Occasionally, the priest will strike a chord when talking about some good deed he witnessed, but I don't believe in miracles nearly as much as I believe in the power of human kindness. When I was younger I remember learning about the Crusades in history class. I was horrified at the bloody acts of murder done in the name of Christ. My notions of religion at that time refuted the idea that murder could ever be justified whether the victims were believers or pagans, Catholics or Jews, saints or sinners. When I asked my grandmother if she agreed with what the Crusaders had done she said, "No, of course not." But when further questioned if it detracted from her belief in Catholicism she demurred, "The Lord works in mysterious ways." I don't think there's much of a mystery here. I am young, and I grew up in a different era and different culture than my grandmother. There are many questions that I am comfortable leaving unanswered and I find little use for a specific set of rules to govern my spiritual thought. I used to feel guilty that I did not embrace a religion so integral to my Latin American heritage but now I am able to acknowledge how counterproductive that is. My family migrated to the United States in order to escape the fascist leaders governing their homelands. I have partially abandoned Catholicism because it has not evolved alongside my parent's generation, nor with mine. Every time I hear the submissive wife sermon I wonder if the priest has had an honest conversation with a working woman in the last twenty years. There is much to praise about religion, but it is important to be critical as well. I have accused my grandmother of being weak because she is so accepting. She has accused me of being stubborn because I cannot find the beauty in the words of the prophets and the lessons of the scriptures. We are both right. It is important to acknowledge one's heritage and honor those who have guided you from childhood to adulthood, simultaneously recognizing the importance of progress and change. I do so every Sunday, by sharing an hour of peace and love with my grandmother, to whom my devotion is unwavering. To find out about Spiritual Intelligence, read What is a Spiritual IQ?  
RECOMMENDED READING FROM THE PSYSTORE:   Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self
by Sarah Ban Breathnach Our Price: $16.00 "From the author of 'Simple Abundance' comes a provocative and powerful follow-up to the book that has become a life 'bible' for women around the world. No matter how spectacular their lives may be, women today are plagued by the nagging feeling that there must be something more to happiness. And they're right. In this insightful and eloquent book, Sarah Ban Breathnach explores the nine stages necessary to living authentically." -- Book Description For a selection of books on this topic, visit the Psystore.
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